


Für Benno

by demolitionbucky



Category: Der geilste Tag | The Most Beautiful Day (2016)
Genre: Angst, Flashbacks, Goodbyes, Heavy Angst, Letters, Love Confessions, Love Letters, M/M, Memories
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-16
Updated: 2017-11-16
Packaged: 2019-02-03 03:35:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12740211
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/demolitionbucky/pseuds/demolitionbucky
Summary: In the end, it was quite the opposite for Benno. It wasn't simple. Holding your dying love in your arms wasn't easy. It terrified Benno.





	Für Benno

In the end, it was quite the opposite for Benno. It wasn't simple. Holding your dying love in your arms wasn't easy. It terrified Benno.

Benno’s hand trembled as his fingertips touched the stark white envelope. His chest tightened as his eyes recognized the smooth handwriting of a feeble hand that belong to a piano. He pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes as he inhaled sharply. The image of the envelop, entitled Für Benno, kept staring back at him. Then, there was a slip of the finger, and the truth spilled out all over Benno. Ruthlessly.

Für Benno. Why, for any normal person, Benno thought, they wouldn't think anything of it. It's just one of the ways to address an informal letter. But after memorizing the intricacies of Andi, Benno knew that Für Benno meant just as much as Für Elise. And that made Benno realize how much he was holding in his chest at this moment.

Lieber Benno,

your eyes will fall upon this letter long after I have been gone. After going through the unimaginable with you, I cannot even begin to think of how much you hurt right now. It pains my heart knowing that your heart feels the same. Yet this letter is not to pain you even more, I hope. I write this letter to express what I lack courage for.

Naturally, I was afraid of death. I did not want to leave the world without leaving behind a part of myself. I did not want to fall asleep in the endless pit of oblivion. Did not want to fall asleep without kissing a piano goodnight.

But then, I fell in love with you. You are not imagining this. These are my words: true and for you.

It grew over time. But it grew quickly. You cannot understand except from the eyes of a lover. The fact that death was just around the corner for me helped it grow fast. Yet that does not taint the love, for it is still pure and wholesome for you. 

Falling in love with you was the most beautiful day of my life. Your heart still beats and yearns for finding a new home, so I can say that you were the most beautiful day collectively; you have not let yourself submit to a sunset yet. I was so blind trying to admire the most beautiful day around us when it was right next to me 

right next to me…

right next to me…

Benno leaned against the wall, all feeling in his legs giving away. He gripped the letter in his hand, closing his eyes as his mind raced, frantically trying to comprehend what his eyes had read so far. His chest continued tightening and tightening. His breathing quickened. He paused for a moment, trying to collect his thoughts, so he could continue pushing through the last journey he had with Andi.

… right next to me and so alive.

The most beautiful day came in waves. But I can recall the time I knew that the words—ich liebe dich—belonged to us. I watched you wake up in the scorching heat of Africa. I had dozed off a couple of times throughout the night. But most of my night was spent gazing up at the stars and listening to you breathe. I made sure you were okay. I stayed with you

Benno’s legs locked and a sensation coursed through his body as he fell to the floor. The letter slipped out of his hands and flew across the floor a few inches. His mind was blank for a split second, and then, it drifted…

Benno squinted up at the lurid sun, immediately closing his eyes afterwards. He groaned, covering the top half of his face with his hand. He rolled over, facing his back to the sun and opened his eyes again. His eyes were met with the gaze of Andi.

“Oh,” Benno stammered in surprise, voice rough from sleep. He cleared his throat. “You stayed?”

“‘Course,” Andi murmured in response, smiling softly at Benno. “I stayed all night to make sure you were alright.”

Andi’s words slipped through Benno’s ears. The only thing he could focus on was the blue of Andi’s eyes. “No one has done that for me,” Benno admitted, looking at Andi. He realized how close they were to each other. He could hear Andi’s weak breaths. “Thank you…”

“Bitteschön,” Andi replied, sighing softly. His breath rattled and pained his lungs. Sadly what he was used to.

“Are you alright?” Benno inquired Andi, an eyebrow raised. He reached outward, brushing some curly locks out of Andi’s face. He gazed into Andi’s pained blue eyes, searching for any hint of how he truly was feeling. It was as if watching a flower slowly wither.

Gazing into Benno’s eyes, Andi knew that in the end, it would not be simple nor easy for Benno. He smiled a bit, reaching forward to cup Benno’s face in his hand. Andi’s eyes, brimming with tears, revealed the answer that Benno did not want.

Benno leaned into Andi’s touch, pressing a soft, gentle kiss against Andi’s lips, his eyes closing shut as he felt tears sting his eyes. “Bitte bleib bei mir… bitte…” Benno whispered against Andi’s leaps, wrapping an arm around him, pulling him closer and deeper into the kiss.

Andi pressed passionately into the kiss, running his hands through Benno’s hair. But he broke the kiss as soon as it started to spark. He rested his forehead against Benno, whispering, “Ich schaff’s nicht…”

As Benno stared into the loving eyes of Andi, soon his love began to fade away into darkness…

… and Benno jolted awake on the cold floor of his apartment. He touched his face and felt the wetness of tears. He reached beside him and grabbed the letter, frantically trying to find where he left off…

… I stayed with you the whole night and woke up next to you. You were the last breath I truly shared with this world.

In the end, I know your heart will hurt. Even though I am gone, I know that when I passed, my heart was not pained anymore. I focused my heart on loving you instead of the uncertainty of death; the darkness that will consume me and leave nothing but this letter, our memories, and a gift for you.

You let me know that I did not have to leave behind a gift for the whole world. You kissed me enough to let even the nurses know I was important to you, even if they were scolding you because I was dying.

Für dich, Benno. Go find the box under my hospital bed. A Zip drive will be found in your hands when you open it. Take it to your computer and listen for “Finale: Our Love’s Story” composed by me. Think of me when you hear the fragile keys of a piano, but search for someone that can hold your heart without breaking it.

deiner Andi

Tears streamed down Benno’s face. He clutched the letter close to his chest and shut his eyes tight, chest shaking with each breath he took. He searched for Andi’s eyes in the darkness, but he found nothing. 

But on the other side, Andi waited for Benno, wishing both that it came quickly and arrived late.

**Author's Note:**

> Translations:
> 
> Für --- for  
> Lieber --- dear (masc.)  
> Deiner --- yours sincerely (masc.)  
> Bitteschön --- thank you very much  
> Bitte bleib bei mir --- please stay with me   
> Ich schaff's nicht --- i cannot do it


End file.
